am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
