please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
