I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
