i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drake has all the answers
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
