I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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