Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
