They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
