Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize