He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have fence marks all over my body
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
