The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
