Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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