the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
