I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
