totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
