I want you more than these girls want KFC
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
