What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
