Umm I'm too high to move.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
