Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Randomize
