Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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