Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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