I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
