I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my shit smells like andre
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
