she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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