Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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