just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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