I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
