two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
