the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
