I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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