Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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