this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
