It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
