Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
