naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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