dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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