You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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