my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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