Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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