decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
