Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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