I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
