Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
