My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
