i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
