I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
