wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
