I want to make a zoo with you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
