Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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