Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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