I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
