I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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