onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
