If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
