Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
