I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
