I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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