youre lurking in front of me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
