u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
