Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
