so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
