WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
