Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I did not marry a roomba.
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