Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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