I didn't shave. On purpose
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
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