I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
