what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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