every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
