I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
