Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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