idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
