i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
