First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize