so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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