go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My brain says no but my pants say off.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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