i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
