So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
