If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
