My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
