All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
