we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
