Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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