he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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