i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Even my vagina gasped.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
