I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
