6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
