It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
