I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
