I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
