The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
