i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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