his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize