I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
being pregnant is like rehab
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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