this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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