True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
