Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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