Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
