Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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