Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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