I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize