I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
