You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
