my phone needs a breathalizer
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
