Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
