and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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