i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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