I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
