And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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