I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
