Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
